He lit a fire and threw it at me
I didn’t realise but before I knew it,
that fire was all around me
It didn’t matter how much I tried to escape,
It didn’t make a difference how much I tried to protect myself
Or even tried to diffuse it,
Because he was right there adding fuel to it every day.
With time I started to burn… It was not a pleasant feeling
To be skinned alive
Especially by someone who was once my best friend, and then my husband,
But he watched,
As I was burning…
I tried to scream and yell, call for help
But no one heard my cries of pain
I kept asking people to help me out but no one came
When I was burning…
and so I turned to my God
I asked him to forgive me
For trusting a human more than Him
I promised Him that next time, it will be Him that I trust and Love, and no one else.
I had learned my lesson…
When I was burning
Just when I thought my suffering would not end, they did
The fire was finally out after five years and I could step out of the dark mess
But it didn’t take long for me to realise I was now charred
No longer the same, I did what any burn victim does, I hid
I wore clothes that hid my skin, I refused to look at mirrors
I even kept myself away from people
Burn victims don’t mingle, and why do?
These very people didn’t come for me when I called
When I was burning…
Its been over six years since the fire extinguished
But I feel the heat, the sting, the smell of being skinned alive,
Its in me, around me and on me,
I want to get rid of the horrid feeling, the nightmares, the reminders,
Of the time When I was burning…
Everywhere I look I see people trusting each other,
I want to rip them apart, they have something which I wanted
But I’m also glad they didn’t have to deal with the burning
And then i’m really thankful it was me and not them
Because their smiles and laughter are so much more precious
So now it’s a different burning…
Does this then mean that mine weren’t?
Does this then mean that I was not good enough?
Does this mean I was a fool and they are not?
Because the answers burn me
I want to tell these people to stop,
Just stop telling me your plans, Stop telling me how many friends you have
Don’t tell me where you went, where you are and where you want to be
Because I wanted all this too, But life had a different plan for me
And this makes me cry, Every day, every night
Because i’m burning
How do I tell you??
All that what you see Is not what I see,
How do I describe what I went through?So you will stop telling me to move on
You don’t see my scars, my burns nor my wounds that I hide
You don’t see my sorrow, my anguish nor my grief
I didn’t just get torched in that fire, I lost a loved one too
So spare me the lecture, the critical look and your reasoning
Because i’m still burning!!!
I was torched for five years,
I have an exceptional high threshold for pain
Heck I even have the scars to prove it again
So go away and let me be
Because I’m still burning!!!
If I don’t want to talk, then I like it this way
If I don’t want to mingle, then it means I don’t care
If I don’t want to eat, it means I’m not hungry
If I’m alive, then just be glad I survived
Please remember,
No one came to my rescue, now I don’t want anyone
There was no food or water, now I’m not hungry
No one heard my numerous pleas of help, so forgive me for not sharing
There was only my loneliness,
So do me a favor; just accept that its my friend, I’m comfortable with it
Don’t change me, don’t remove the only thing that was with me…
…When I was burning.