Shriveled

I walked away meaning to never look back
But every step forward reminded me of the life I left behind
I walked faster, determined to get away quicker
But every corner I turned, every stone I walked over
Each whispered I would not get anywhere

 

So I stopped and changed my style,
Improved my walk, modified my outlook
and made the mistake of looking in the mirror
and found an ugly person staring back in horror

 

I wasn’t the person I once knew myself as
I wasn’t living the life I had dreamed of
I wasn’t dreaming of the beautiful future I had once sought
Because I was now shriveled

 

I look at my hands and see scorch marks
I look at my neck and see filth
I hide my arms because they feel dirty
My entire body and face is simply too ugly
Because I am now shriveled

 

I buy expensive shoes to feel better
I wear watches to show myself I can carry them
I try to stand tall so I don’t stoop too low
But whom am I fooling? I can still see
That I am shriveled

 

I’m ashamed to eat & breathe
Reluctant to smile & talk
Embarrassed for earning a living
And even guilty to joke or walk
But you won’t understand all of this, will you?
Its because you are not shriveled

 

I understand it’s hard for you to comprehend
Why my mind is still lingering in the past
Or why I’m blind towards the reality of present
But all I can say is, it will take me a bit more time
Because I’m shriveled

 

I’m quite sure I need help
I’m in fact positive I need someone to pull me out of this rut
But the quicksand is too strong for me
It keeps pulling me down with a reminder
That I’m now shriveled

 

There comes a day in my week
When I feel like I can achieve something
Where I can soar above and beyond
And then out of nowhere I get hit by my own reality
That I’m just too shriveled

 

Humiliated to think any further
I drowse myself in music
I go silent and shun everyone out
Too afraid to feel any more pathetic
I conclude I’m shriveled.

 

Taking life is not an option
Living is not my choice
So I look at people and survive
In a world that I created
Before I was shriveled

 

I want to cry and make it better
I wish to forget what I look and feel like
But I just end up giving myself a headache
And so every day I wake up
Shriveled…

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